Why I feel like a failure even when I keep trying (ADHD / autism experience)

This is for people who try hard, think something is wrong with them, and still feel like they are falling behind for reasons they cannot explain.

You came into this body, wholeheartedly accepting the identity, or should I say the character, you were/are going to play in this life of yours. Yeah, I know. From your current state, it most likely feels impossible to wrap your head around it. We all came into these human bodies with a built-in AI (aka the brain). Also, feel free to bypass this and read the post AI (artificial intelligence). Gone Bad? Maybe the only decision you might want to make is, do I want to live this same life, the same way, again? What does this mean?

If you have played any video games at any point in your life (if you are an avid gamer, that is fantastic), how I am about to explain “life on planet earth as a human being” is going to be super easy for you to understand.

Imagine that you are someone who loves getting better and better at playing video games. Somewhere deep in your soul, you have the dream of being the one who creates them, but that is way too advanced and far away from your current skill set.

Imagine having finished a first-person action game. It was a really challenging game too. You collected some rewards, went through a lot of frustration, and managed to gain some new skills, but overall, it was so worth it! Depending on how well you did, you even upgraded to a new skill set, which meant the next time you logged in with your credentials, you were going to be given unique advantages you did not have before.

Now, when you first fired up the game, you watched a brief intro, which gave you a general idea about the game’s theme, the atmosphere, where it takes place, etc. Then, you were given a list of characters to choose from. Each character had their strengths and weaknesses listed underneath them. You also had options for the location to choose from. The goal to be achieved was very clear.

I know this concept might come across as bullshit, ridiculous, or whatever to you. Consider being open-minded, ponder, and choose curiosity because what is your alternative? So far, what the majority of you have been taught gave you fear, doubt, and a victim mentality.

Since you are here, reading this, you have an average to high level of intelligence. You can continue living your life questioning a so-called almighty and loving god who gives cancer to babies and messes with your life to see you suffer.

I am giving you a very liberating alternative. Pain, illness, death, and all the other nasty experiences are just experiences of a very, very realistic game.

Imagine trying to figure out why you were dumped by someone you deeply loved, without a word, after they walked in on you while you were playing a video game with your chosen avatar.

Are you, the one with the controller, a sadist, a heartless being, or a cruel piece of work for what your character does in those games? How many times in your life so far have you done the exact same thing to another because you decided that their choice of avatar was unacceptable?

Or could your current human avatar and the game it has chosen (just like everybody else’s) to play be as simple, neutral, and even as noble as the intention of a pure being’s intelligence to feel in order to reveal hidden thoughts? Can it be that the thoughts are game credits to build a unique stage in this game, a stage where other players who have been searching for that exact one so that they can feel what they need to in order to upgrade their avatars?

Can it be that the disliked, unlovable, unpopular, and resented characters have always been the crucial ones, helping others to earn skill points to unlock the next levels?

You are not the problem. You are not alone in this experience.

Related: Autism and CPTSD in adults: why they are often connected